Every class has victims and victimizers.  The teasers and physical bullies have as serious problems as do the scapegoats. What I suggest
deals simultaneously with all their problems.

First step is changing the mindset of “boys will be boys” that excuses destructive behavior. The same with “girls love to tease” as
if both are natural and can’t be changed. It’s true that humans of any age will take out their frustrations on one another, if allowed. War
has been a sad reality and commentary on what has been accepted throughout history.

Second, is to admit that there IS a strong human propensity for physical and emotional abuse. This leads to explaining to the class that it is “normal” to have aggressive thoughts and feelings. This is to ease any guilt that they have while experiencing them.

However, four is when I say that “acting” on these thoughts and feelings by physically or verbally hurting anyone will not be tolerated! My goal is to make the classroom safe for everyone. We will be discussing appropriate consequences when someone violates a classmate.

Before we do, I ask each child to tell (or write about it) to one person s/he trusts about at least one incident where a parent, family member, teacher, or peer has hurt her/his feelings. When they share this aloud with the class, they begin to see that this is all too common. When they know about each other’s pain, they learn to be and show more empathy. Instead of attacking, they seek out and offer support to the one who is hurting.

I have each student each morning write on a card (or some way to show the feeling) how s/he is feeling when s/he comes in.  Anyone can see if a student is happy, sad, frustrated, or angry. For most when they know the other is vulnerable and open as are they, they respect their mood. Since this doesn’t occur immediately (and never does with a few) there needs to be an agreed upon set of choices, of consequences for any violation. The choices are discussed with the class. Nothing becomes law unless everyone agrees with each consequence.  By empowering them they become more responsible and more willing to accept the consequence that they choose.

For those few who continue to violate others the consequences become more severe and with proper documentation they can eventually be referred to a person or agency that can better deal with the severity, the antisocial nature of her/his behavior. This works at any age, but it takes time, thought, and sometimes courage to follow through to do the right thing. It’s worth the effort.

This approach also can be done in the home.

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