Time Out, Does it Work?

You know the routine, a child does something bad and mom or dad starts counting. One, two, three...and wham the child is in TIME OUT. For some kids, it doesn't seem to matter whether he's in time out or on Mars, when he returns to reality he will repeat the same behavior. For others, time out seems to have an effect and the child actually controls his behavior. Why the difference? Here's what I think. First, I do think time out can be effective. It works (for he most part) for my boys, however, I have also found it to be completely useless when not used properly. When it's effective:

• Find a chair (or a space somewhere) that you can use only for time out purposes.
• Time out should be 1 minute per year of age. Use a timer.
• When a child is in time out, he should be isolated from others.
• Time out should not be forced.
• For younger children, time out is a place to calm down, regroup of to think. In our house, we call it the "thinking" chair.
• A parent should speak in a stern, but calm voice. Do not yell or get angry.
• If a child is misbehaving, first give him warning. You might tell him that if he doesn't listen (or stop doing X) then he will need to go in the "thinking" chair. If after the warning, he disobeys you, then you might tell him that since he is not  (listening, stopping doing X...) he will have to sit in the thinking chair until he is told it's time to get up.
• Ignore his whining, protests or cries that he doesn't like the thinking chair.
• For older kids (not pre-schoolers or toddlers) time out begins when the child is quiet.
• If he gets up, you can remove a favorite toy as an added threat.
• Be sure not to forget to encourage good behaviors not just punish for bad.
• Time out can be done anywhere - give warning first.
• Be consistent.

What NOT to do:

• Don't threaten, then not do anything.
• Don't put your child in time out for petty problems. Make sure you don't overuse time out or it won't be effective and your child will continue to seek attention by disobeying.
• Don't let him stay in time out for longer than he should.
• Don't yell, get all crazy and angry.
• Don't give in to your child who doesn't want to go in time out. He's testing you. If you give in, a precedent has been set and is be more difficult to reverse in the future.

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