The Difficult Balance

There comes a time as parents, we have to just let our children make mistakes. A good lesson for our sons: it's ok to make mistakes as nothing or nobody is perfect. In a society focused on achieving perfection, it's a difficult balance to manage. I'm not suggesting that we discourage working towards high achievements. Instead, be realistic and don't put too much pressure on the little guys. Tonight I was helping my son with a homework assignment. It makes me crazy when the answer seems obvious, not to point it out to him, but doesn't he learn more when I let him figure out the answers then correct show him his mistakes? I feel this will result in further discussion and facilitate better learning. Typically, my son does his work at his desk in his bedroom, and then brings it to me for review and correction. This, in my opinion, requires some independence on his part. It teaches him responsibility, builds confidence, and enables him to focus on a task until completed. From my perspective, it builds trust between my son and I. I try not to push him, but expect that he take his responsibilities seriously. I provide him with guidance; yet allow enough freedom to let him make his own choices. As in the case of this assignment, if he chooses to procrastinate (despite my gentle encouragement to complete the project); beware, the might be consequences. A poor grade or perhaps his own disappointments in producing work that is not a reflection of his abilities. Today, in the real world, I've heard of helicopter parents that do everything for their children.  It’s absolutely ridiculous! College students whose parents contact the professor to discuss a grade or assist their child with scheduling issues. I can't even imagine what goes through such a parent's mind to make them think that this behavior is good for their child (or for the kid who let's his parents do the dirty work so he doesn't have to). These are not extreme stories. I've heard it on several occasions! Clearly this behavior is not properly preparing our children for life. You live and learn – it’s all right to make mistakes. So, when I see a silly mistake on my son's paper, I will point it out, and we will discuss it. But mark my words, I'll be dammed if I ever do his homework for him, or his laundry when he gets older, or not expect him to clean up after himself or do things that I know he's capable of. On the contrary, I hope that someday he'll think to take care of me, his dear old mom!

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