I recently had a conversation with a couple of other mothers about the fact that at the end of the season, all the players on the youth (insert any sport here) teams receive a trophy. We began discussing the pros and cons of this practice and how we felt it both affected and effected our sons. This practice of awarding trophies to every participant started back in the 80's during the “self-esteem movement”. The idea was that higher self esteem would lead to greater success in life. Educators have since learned that while having high self esteem feels good, it doesn't necessarily produce greater academic achievement and it has faded considerably in schools. This esteem-boosting however hasn't seemed to wean from youth sports.

One side of this debate insists that winning isn't everything and the focus of youth sports should be on good sportsmanship, commitment and a love for the game. The fear that if some kids see others getting a trophy and they don't get one they might become discouraged and lose motivation. In a day when childhood obesity rates are skyrocketing, shouldn't we be encouraging as much activity and exercise as possible? Many also see the pride on a child's face as they receive their trophy and say “If it makes the child happier, what's the big deal? There is plenty of time for winners and losers, let the kids just have some fun.” Alfie Kohn, author of ''No Contest: The Case against Competition," and who has written on human behavior, education, and parenting issues, said the trophies are a symptom of an overcompetitive society. “Setting kids against each other undermines their interest in the activity as well as their relationships and psychological health.” I however, can't image our society without competition. It drives business and industry to continually strive for better, cheaper and more advanced products.

Others however, have raised questions as to whether getting trophies so easily is really the best thing for kids. “There is something inherently good about trying to raise kids' feelings about themselves, but there has to be balance," said Leonard Zaichkowsky, a Boston University professor and director of its sport and exercise psychology training program, ''We also have to teach kids to be mentally tough, to take criticism, to experience failure, to learn that somebody wins and somebody loses.” If you give a trophy to every kid just for showing up, the trophy loses its importance and value. There is no incentive to try again, to work harder or to improve. Imagine the sports world if every player or team got a Stanley Cup, Super Bowl ring or World Series title? I highly doubt our husbands (and many of us as well) would spend so much time watching ESPN. Trophies should go to the winners. Self-esteem does not lead to success in life. Self discipline, self control and hard work do and sports can help teach those things. Children also need to learn how to win with respect and lose with grace and dignity.

Rewarding kids for self esteem reasons also leads to a loss of workmanship. Younger generations, in response to being raised in the self-esteem movement era, it appears, have a need to be praised for simple tasks once thoughtless, like showing up to work. If not praised, they leave their jobs to head for some employer who will stroke their ego's. We are not doing society any good raising those type of employees.

Is there a compromise to this debate? I think there is. Giving all kids a ribbon or certificate of participation in appreciation for their commitment to the team while leaving the trophies for the highest ranking teams seems more appropriate to me. If my son doesn't get the trophy its up to me as the parent to praise their effort, encourage them to keep trying, and be there to cheer the loudest when they finally hit the home run! It also might mean I get out there and play catch with him too (but I'll save that for another day). What are your thoughts?

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