"Spoiling is driven by the inability to stand up to your child when he makes unreasonable demands. Not only is it frustrating for the parent, but spoiled children are prone to depression, anxiety, and can grow into teens and adults who are unable to handle life's difficulties and challenges.  So how can you fix the problem?  Richard Bromfield, Ph.D., a clinical instructor in psychology at Harvard Medical School outlines concrete tips and strategies to quickly reverse the effects of overindulgent and spoiled parenting while instilling character and self-relieance in kids before it's too late."

Almost every parent has asked themself this difficult question at one point - Am I spoiling my child?

It's not hard to be an indulging parent in these over-indulgent times.  Even as adults, have you ever found yourself throwing a "tantrum" because something did not go exactly as you have wanted it to go?  And when you really examine it, it really wasn't such a big deal? Come on, don't lie!  But on a more serious note, Dr. Bromfield warns that overindulging your child can lead to serious problems in the future: a child that lacks the tools to deal with obstacles, has low resistence to stress, and the inability to see beyond their own emotions and wants, setting them up for a life of unhappiness and malcontent.  Furthermore, a child that has become accustomed to having their every whim catered to does eventually become a nightmare for the family - placing additional stress in the home.

No parent sets out to "spoil" their child - it could be a slippery slope and, before they know it, they are dealing with tantrums, behavioral issues in/outside of the home, and strained relationships with their child.  It is an overwhelming situation for any parent, but what is done is done. Or, is it possible to "unspoil" your child?

In How To Unspoil Your Child Fast, Dr. Bromfield explains why, in today's climate, it is easier to be an overindulgent parent.  Dr. Bromfield's practical methods acknowledge that we all live in an overindulgent environment - so it's no surprise for children to feel so entitled.  Moving to an isolated island is not a solution either, so the book examines how we can be more aware and how to catch ourselves.  But he does not let parents off the hook with that excuse either, in a later chapter, he urges parents to "Unspoil Yourself".  This not only makes sense, but it is a refreshing approach in a parenting book! 'The 'Do as I say, not as I do' is definitely not what Dr. Bromfield promotes here.

Dr. Bromfield urge parents to stop feeling they are not doing enough for their children and to take back parental control by not being afraid to say no without explaination or bargaining.  He wants parents to stop feeling guilty and re-focus on what their child needs and wants - and recognize that they are being met without throwing a lavish birthday party or buying that expensive video game system, or whatever else they are demanding at the moment.

However, all is easier said than done.  Another reason I found this book so useful, was that it is practical. It has to-the-point and simple principles that you stick to, and apply to daily life.  Dr. Bromfield uses strategies that have worked in real-life situations and with other parents.  He also clearly points out the pitfalls and setbacks parents may encounter.  The book tells you: you can love your child without bankrupting yourself or losing your sanity.

Listen to Renee's RBW interview with Dr. Bromfield on his book, How To Unspoil Your Child Fast: A Speedy, Complete Guide to Contented Children and Happy Parents, tonight, Sunday 11/07/10 at 10pm EST.

How To Unspoil Your Child Fast by Richard Bromfield, PhD on:

Amazon

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"The United Sates Census Bureau statistics reveal that more than a quarter of America's children now live in households with one parent, relative, or forster parent." Mary Kilgore, Mitchell Kilgore, Where Is My Mommy?

Mary Kilgore and Mitchell Kilgore are clinical social workers who wrote Where Is My Mommy? - a children's book for those who have children, or work with children, struggling because of a loss of a caretaker, whether it is because of a removal from home, divorce, incarceration, deployment, death, or desertation.

The authors remind us that children do not have the cognitive ability to understand the loss of a parent until around age 6, so young children tend to suffer greatly from confusion, frustration, anxieties, without knowing how to communicate these emotions.  The book is written for children between the ages of 4 and 10, who may have questions about the absence or loss of a parent.

The story follows Zack, a young boy, struggling with his mother's abandonment.  His favorite toy, Soldier Joe, asks him about the feelings and questions that are difficult for him to tell anyone else, and helps him identify the many emotions he has.  This is helpful for children who may have questions they don't know how to ask; the book helps trigger and lead these difficult questions and answers.  Also worth pointing out, the authors do emphasize that the child's caretaker is him/herself dealing with their own grief and loss, and that these leads are valuable in opening the door to discussion for both the parent and the child.

The story also identifies different emotions for the child, and what they mean, like sadness, anger, confusion, frustration, disappointment, etc., and how to verbalize them - e.g. "I feel sad because mommy is gone and I can't make her come back." Soldier Joe also asked Zack to look at all the other children he knew, and identify what kinds of emotions they may be going through, why, and emphasizing with them.    One emotion that is emphasized is the fear of abandonment.  "Abandonment by a parent is devastating for a youngster of any age, but especially for a young child because it ruptures the bond of basic trust" and the caretaker is most likely "being constantly tested because of the child's fear: You will leave me, too." The book also addresses this by teaching the caretaker how to preserve trust, in a laguage the child will understand.

Where Is My Mommy? offer easy to understand and follow, practical methods for a family in a time where everyone, involving the caretakers themselves, are confused, grieving, and maybe at a loss for answers.  You can really see Mary Kilgore and Mitchell Kilgore's hands-on experience as clinical social workers shine through.  It is written with the focus on helping the child, but is also very helpful for the caretaker, recognizing that the whole family may be suffering and their healing is important in the child's own healing.  The book ends with a brief message for the caretaker: Ways to Help Children Experiencing Abandonment, which is a concise, practical guide in dealing with daily life issues, e.g. disciplining your child, how to teach your child to verbalize their feelings and listening to your child, building on the child's strength, etc.

View Where Is My Mommy? Coping When A Parent Leaves (And Doesn't Come Back) on their webpage or on Amazon.

Listen to Raising Boys World's interview with Mary Kilgore and Mitchell Kilgore here at 10pm EST on Oct 24th, 2010.

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